I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Acid is not a monday night drug
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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