do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
