My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
