$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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