you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize