I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
