It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
