im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
