So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Randomize