the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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