No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
