paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
