This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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