So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize