take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
