Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
