sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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