well you can't waste a boner
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize