Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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