I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Redeem this text for a blowjob
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
