I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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