Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
