i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
