meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
There's even glitter on my cock...
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