Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
