its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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