I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
