I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
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