sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
