remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
