almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
