If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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