ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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