So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
