Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize