I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
