I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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