you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
