You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize