she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
