Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
