accomplished twins. life is a go
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
