if i can run in heels then i can drive
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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