I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
