It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
