if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
