Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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