There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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