sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
