If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
