Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
