Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
