Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
