I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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