The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
