Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
