have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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