She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize