He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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