You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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