Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
did i walk over a car last night?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
