I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
