He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
