Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
