After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
