i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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