You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
