i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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