dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
